No More Tears...

I wrote the following post for "Reclaiming the Woman Within" and wanted to share this with my followers too.


I watched "17 Again" last weekend with the kids and actually thought it was quite amusing. It made me cry so it moved me at least...but that's my problem...I cry at the drop of a hat.

Last year I watched The Bucket List and bawled for another ten minutes into my pillow. Grey's Anatomy makes me cry every single week! Tell me a sad story from your youth and I'll tear up. I just can't control my emotions! I wear my heart on my sleeve. If I'm happy, sad, can see it on my face and hear it my voice.

My mother on the other hand does not cry. Her brother passed away two weeks ago and I didn't see her shed a single tear. Me on the other hand was sobbing uncontrollably. I asked her a week after the funeral how she was able to maintain her composure. She told me that she felt sad but there were no tears. She then opened up to me about the time when her mother left China to come to Canada. My mother is a very private person...she rarely tells us about her childhood or about her mother.

She started to tell me about that day when she was at the airport saying goodbye to her mother. She wasn't able to come to Canada because she was 24 and too old to be sponsored. She didn't know when the next time she would see her mother again. She had never been separated from her mother before. They had slept together every night as long as she could remember. She described how they went to the roof of the airport to watch the plane take-off. It was when the engines started that the flood gates opened and she sobbed and sobbed so hard that there were no cries. I'm crying by now because I know what happens next...her mother's plane crashed that night into Mt. Fuji and she never saw her mother again until she arrived in Canada for the funeral. From my aunt I had heard that she didn't cry at the funeral. My mother says she has no more tears...they are all gone...she feels very sad but there are no tears.

I used to wish that I could control my emotions and not cry so much but now after hearing this story from my mother I pray that I will never have to experience anything close to what she has experienced. No one should. I'm lucky that in my almost 40 years I've never had to endure any kind of hardship that I can remember. I was badly scalded when I was two but I have no memory of that. I admire the strength of all those that have lived through these kind of tragic circumstances because even after reading this excerpt over and over I still cry.

She's a big girl now!

I've been a very very bad mommy...I've let our daughter sleep with us from the very first day home from the hospital. Being an exhausted mommy of three it was just so much easier to have her next to me...that way I didn't have to get out of my warm bed to get her in the middle of night. In the end I breastfed her the longest...over two years...more of a convenience to me than a benefit for her.

Last night as she lay in our bed she exclaimed to her daddy that she wanted him to take her to her own bed. I was surprised because she has never asked and I've never insisted. We would occasionally bring her to her own bed once she was asleep but she has never willingly lay in her own bed and fallen asleep by herself. I was shocked. I guess my little baby is growing up....sniff...sniff...

I'm going to miss snuggling with her but I guess it's time to let go. She is FIVE after all...she's no longer mommy's baby...she's a big girl now.

Springtime Surprise!

I've been so wrapped up with family things the last two weeks that I didn't even notice what was going on around me. I was so surprised when I walked around the house and found so many tulips had bloomed. It certainly cheered up my afternoon. The tulips were inherited from the previous homeowner and they were avid gardeners. I mistakenly pulled everything out of the garden the first spring after we moved in. I bet I pulled out hundreds of dollars of perennials. Booo hooOoooo! My neighbours used to say how our home USED to be the best landscaped house in the we moved in....
Can't wait to get my hands dirty and start my gardening. It's a great way to escape and just concentrate on turning the dirt and watching new life start. I can't say what my garden will look like in the summer but it's the most beautiful in the spring.

Paying Tribute

We lost one of my favourite uncles yesterday after a brief fight with cancer. I wasn't sure how I would honour his memory...but I thought I might write a few words to tell the world how much he meant to me.

Fourth Uncle was a gentle and kind soul. He cherished family and even though I was a part of his extended family, he always made me feel included. Never would he hesitate to invite me to stay for dinner or to join their family gatherings. I could see how he loved to be surrounded by his family....his eyes would light up when we brought the babies around to say hello and he always insisted on carrying them.

A generous man who could never say no if asked. Thoughtful that he never forgot to send a laysee (red pocket with money) for our birthdays or Christmas. My earliest memories of him was when we were little we would visit him at his store and he would march us to the front and buy us this little box of rice candy that included a toy (similar to a Kindersurprise). We didn't have much when we were growing up and this was a big treat. We really cherished those little toys and this Uncle that made us feel so special.

Most of all I will always remember his smile and how he made me feel special whenever I came to say hello. He always called me by my name and asked me how I was doing. And even on my last visit, when he was so weak he still managed to look at my sister and I and smile and acknowledge our presence.

He really will be missed. I am so thankful that he was a part of my life.

Happy Easter!

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy Easter. We've been non-stop eating this weekend. We went to a friend's house for dinner yesterday and I made these cute cupcakes for the kids. I've posted a quick tutorial on how to make them on Fork in Food. They are so easy!

Gotta go now! We are off for a quick lunch with my in-laws! More eating....

Reclaiming the Woman Within

Sorry for the lack of love...but I'm still stuffing my face with my girlfriend from Florida. Yesterday she had five meals...the last one with me when we ran out at 9:30pm to hunt down a large red bean slush. We hit three different places before we could satisfy her craving. I'm still documenting our meals at Fork in Food.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand...I received an email yesterday from The Obnoxious SAHM asking me to contribute to her newest blog, Reclaiming the Woman Within. I'm so happy that she thinks I'm worthy of this honour.

I gave it a lot of thought and flashed her the thumbs up. It's a BIG year for me, turning 40 and all, so I thought it would be appropriate to contribute to this blog and share my journey to find the woman that I am.

Moms on Oprah

I am watching Oprah right I am typing...and today she has different moms around the country confessing their dirty mothering making their kids an entire lunch out of snacks from their car or the mother that didn't want to wake her kids during a long drive and pulled out a diaper and peed into it. I think that is so funny!

I've never gotten to that point THANK GOODNESS but I admit that I, myself, feel inadequate most of the time. There just isn't enough time in the day to do everything and stay sane. I need some time to myself! I remember when the kids were babies I didn't have time to take care of house looked like a tornado hit it...and some days it still does.

Thank goodness this blogging thing has really been a lifesaver. I've met other moms that are in the same boat and it makes me feel like I'm ok. Last week my daughter asked "Who do you love more? Your laptop or your kids?" I said " guys of course...." but what I didn't say was "but my laptop doesn't whine, cry or listens to me...doesn't talk back...does what I tell it to...and so on..."

Moody Monday

I can't believe it's been almost a week since my last post. It's been crazy around here! Look at the weather today!! It was ugly this morning!! Wet snow and wind. Who knew that this could happen in April.
I've been so busy getting ready for my girlfriend's visit. She is here from Florida and we have been on an eating binge since her arrival. You can see where we've been and eaten so far on Fork in Food.

The kids have also been home since Friday and they are home "sick" today. It's probably from the late night on Saturday when my friends came over for potluck poker but it ended up as just eating...eating...and more eating... The kids were up way past midnight and then up early on Sunday. I am also feeling pretty tired so it wasn't a tough decision to let the kids stay home the noise level rises the more inclined I am to send them back to school in the afternoon.

Wordless Wednesday - When the kids get your camera

Today's post was inspired by one of my favourite blogs, FaithChick. She takes part in Wordless Wednesday and today she posted pictures taken by her kids. It reminded me of a photo my eldest son took last year.

Here is the background information about his picture. It was my 2nd son's 8th and my daughter's 5th birthday party. I made a castle for the cake and to make it more boyish I took some of my son's toy soldiers and placed them around the princess...protecting her.

Well...while I was busy preparing for the party son #1 must have grabbed my camera and took some photos. It wasn't until I downloaded the pictures after the party that I came across his photo.

A picture says a thousand words....I was speechless...